I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
