38 yer olds are good kisserssss
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
