I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
he high fived his dick after we had sex
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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