Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
