U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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