That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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