What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
