Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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