Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
