Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
