I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize