i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
