TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
