Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize