it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
