You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
