I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He did a backflip because drugs
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