I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
