I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
