well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
