she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
