Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
