i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
