honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
