Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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