my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
