Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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