Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
