My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
