Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
