how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I deserve this hangover.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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