I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
