you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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