We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
