I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
