I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Can i not drive my cunt home
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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