definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
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