State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
