Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
