I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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