capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
