we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
