Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize