I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
