oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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