Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize