My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
