lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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