Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
