i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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