i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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