I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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