he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
