he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
