I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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