I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
