You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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