So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
