I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
