I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
