how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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