The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
