I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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