I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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