yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
