Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
