she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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