yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
