I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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