you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
