Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
