She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
