Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize