i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
